I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You need Xanax blowdarts
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
