Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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