Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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