i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My feet surprised me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
