i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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