literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
