ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
