I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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