Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Small penises have feelings too.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
