is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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