sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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