Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
