I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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