You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
