You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
