I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
That's when you crack a 10am beer
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
