She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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