is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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