it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
