She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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