omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
