I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
