I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
