I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
