she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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