No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
