she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
