i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
