And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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