I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
