hotel room ftw
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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