we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
