I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
