You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
There are leaves in my underwear?
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