my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
