if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
