This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
