just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
