I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
