i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just tell him i said nine months
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
