I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
