What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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