You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
