took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
