Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
