I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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