roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
