I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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