Got a toothbrush?
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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