Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
