I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
